Palm Springs HITS

I don't consider myself an athlete. People tell me this isn't true because I run marathons, and enjoy ultra marathons. I don't consider myself a triathlete either, though last year I learned how to swim, bought a road bike and learned how to ride, and completed my first sprint, olympic, and half-distance triathlon. (Edit: My friend May requested I add that I've completed 31 marathons, a handful of 50ks, 50 milers, and 100ks, and countless half marathons... but still)

It's really hard having the amazing friends I do. I always am wrapped in self-doubt. I never think I'm lucky enough to have the friends I do, and am always worried they're going to find me out for who I really am. One really difficult thing about these amazing friends is seeing them accomplish amazing feats and thinking "I could never do that." They say not to compare yourself to others, but I certainly hold myself up to some high standards in such company.

For whatever reason, this has been a tough year. I let go of myself, my training, my anxiety... I have pretty bad anxiety. I used to be on medication, but I quit that and smoking and started running. Running has better side effects than ativan. I took a break and checked out this spring. I was eating and drinking with disregard. Despite that, I was able to complete my first 50k this year, and reach 66 miles in a 24 hour running event.



My 66 mile Finish at Nanny Goat

In June I put my wetsuit back on and headed for the beach. I started riding my bike again. I joined a masters swim group. I started eating better and less. I even cut back on my beer consumption.

Two months later I'm feeling better about myself, a little. I still think I'm silly for trying these amazing feats of strength. Last week completed my first century ride.

This week.... This is week one of my Palm Springs HITS 70.3 Triathlon training. I seek revenge.



It was my first 70.3 and I don't want to talk about the time. It was in December. I didn't have enough training under my belt, despite trying to cram it in. I got my bike shoes a week before the race. I hadn't ran much since May. I was a horrid swimmer and still wasn't super comfortable on my bike. I remember when the swim started it was so cold I got an ice cream headache. I was so nervous, but then all I could think was how cold it was. My body seized on me. My calves cramped. I couldn't breath. I had to keep going. I got kicked in the head repeatedly by people walking in the water then lifting their feet to swim into my face. I got punched and elbowed. At one point a man swam right over me... "this is the moment I drown" I had to compose myself. It was two loops and the sunrise was blinding and I overshot the turns. Before I was done I looked at my garmin and saw my time... I started crying... while I was swimming. My nose filled with snot and I started choking because I couldn't breath. I won't repeat the horrible things I said to myself at that moment, but I pulled myself out and composed myself enough to finish. I remember my friend Joy screaming at the top of her lungs for me, so I didn't stop. I can't let my friends down. My friend Leo signed me up for this race. I had to keep going if they'd let me. Despite my time the volunteers shoo'ed me out of the transition and off I went. I got chased by dogs, almost blown over, watched people turn around before the turn and finish the race ahead of me, and I strolled a half marathon before I got an official (though slow) finish time and my legs cramped so bad I couldn't stand up. I was so happy I finished, but so embarrassed about my slow time. Why couldn't I just be happy I did it. I was just glad I didn't let anyone down. Though I may have tried some patience when I didn't want to move...

The aftermath of my first 70.3

This year, this is for me. This December I'm doing the Palm Springs HITS 70.3 again. I have a few goals in mind:



1. Finish well before any cutoffs.
2. Feel good at the finish.
3. Be proud of myself for accomplishing this.



I have a horrible fear that if I tell people I'm going to do something that I'll fail and let them down. Since this is for me, I don't think that will be the case. I've already had nightmares about getting 3 flat tires, or breaking a chain. I'm just going to do what I can.

This is Week 1 of training. I'm going to try to hold myself accountable and post a recap every week to see how I do. I'm traveling this week too, so let the challenges begin.